Poem – disordered thinking

I wake every morning to a lion growling
prowling and prodding
to be beaten into submission
unruly beast
this hopeless hunger
never ceases

tiptoe to cool tile
feet plant down
no sense to stall when validation calls
from the confines of these bathroom walls
a few seconds
a few numbers
to measure if I did enough
if I am enough
if I’m worthy at all

numbers or not
naked and numb
the mirror mocks my midsection,
my imperfections,
my not-so-secret indiscretions

knobby notches burrow down
fighting to get out
neck to nethers
bones protrude
notches on the belt of this battle I wage daily ensues

appearing weak
I’ve proven strength
every time I turn away
from morsels on my god-forsaken,
temptation bloated plate

I will not give up
not be overcome
I’ve worked too hard to be outdone
by a pastry
something tasty
or anything frankly
that isn’t nothing

caught up in my ways
my manners
disordered eating
web spiraling
tangled thoughts
disordered thinking

-T.S. Reiger (compiled from adolescent journal scribblings)

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